What’s the one thing holding you back from showing up?

What’s that thing that you don’t tell anyone but you know it’s in your mind every day.

It doesn’t ever go away but it also doesn’t pop up to the surface. It just lives there with you in the background your whole life.

Now I want you to close your eyes and imagine what you could do if you let go of the one thing that’s stopping you from showing up?

How many possibilities will open up?

I’m gonna take this episode and be really open with you about my struggles. In return, I hope you can be honest with yourself.

My Biggest Insecurity

If you know me in person, you know that I don’t like to talk.

I’m the girl that stands there alone by herself at a party because I hate small talk.

I won’t even pick up the phone when it rings. The only way you can get in touch with me is through text or DMs.

Here are the exact words I’ve said “I hate talking,” or “I’m not comfortable in front of cameras,” or “I can’t listen to myself”...

I use excuses like I’m a shy introvert. This is just who I am. This is my personality. I don’t like to be the center of attention.

But deep down I know the real reason. I just never wanted to tell anyone.

In the spirit of being brutally honest with you - I can tell you that I hate showing up because of my voice.

I’m absolutely embarrassed by the tone of my voice.

I. Hate. My. Voice.

I listen to my voice and I want to hide in embarrassment.

How Fear Stops Me From Building My Brand

This one simple act of hating my voice has manifested into something much bigger in my daily life, my career, and my business.

I remember a year ago when I got my first invite to a podcast interview. I went home and told my partner about it and he was super excited for me. But I looked at him in fear and said “absolutely no!”

For the next few months, we even got into fights about it. He went on and on about how I need to get on podcasts for my personal brand. I kept saying how much I hate to talk and this is just not me.

The same year I missed another podcast interview invite for the same reason.

The same year I passed on a really important design presentation at work that I knew would have advanced my career.

This fear of mine has led to many missed opportunities.

It has created this version of me that’s always saying I don’t like to talk.

But in reality, I just don’t like my voice.

For you - it might be the way your hair looks, or your body weight, or your smile.

Whatever it is. We all have that one thing that’s stopping us from showing up.

I get it. Showing up is scary. But that’s literally why I’m doing this podcast.

I want to help you let go of the things that are holding you back from being the best version of yourself.

It won’t happen in one day. It took a long time for me to be comfortable on camera.

And even to this date, I still drag doing interviews and presentations.

But I have found these tips really helpful that I’m gonna share with you today.

How to Over Your Fear of Showing Up

1 - Understand Why You Hate This One Thing

If I dig deep into my self-sabotaging mind, I know I have hated my voice ever since my childhood.

Ever since when I was a kid, I was always told by my parents, my relatives, and my teachers that I sounded like a little girl. Why don’t you grow up and sound more mature?

When I first came to America, my friends in college would make fun of my British accent. So I worked really hard to try to change my accent to be more American.

To this date, I still remember that embarrassing feeling I got when this student made fun of me for saying the words “fast” and “bottle”.

When I started working, one of my old bosses told me that even though I did amazing work, no one had confidence in what I said in meetings because I sounded like a little girl.

I have had countless incidents of people mocking my voice as a joke.

One time one of the contractors on site was mocking my voice during a meeting. And luckily he got yelled at by another contractor for disrespecting me.

Sometimes even my sister mocks my voice when we hang out.

Basically, throughout my entire life, my voice was and still is a target.

It was that one thing that either other people told me I needed to change. Or they made fun of me for it.

But I have learned to understand it and then leading to our second tip here - accept it.

2 - Accept It

When I first got into the online business world, I heard a lot about mindset. Everyone talks about mindset. How you need to shift your mindset to be able to show up consistently.

And I never quite get it. Until I finally got it.

Changing your mindset to me means accepting your worst fear and being okay with it.

Note that I didn’t say “overcoming” It.

You just need to be okay with it.

The best way to accept something is by talking it out openly.

Tell your friends, your family, your partner...

Or write it all out in your journal.

Accept that this thing is always gonna be there.

It really might never go away. I still hate my voice.

But I’m able to show up because I have done the internal work to understand why I hate my voice and accept it.

3 - Start By Practicing Small

Set a small goal and work up your confidence slowly.

The easiest way for me to show up online at first was through IG stories.

It’s casual. It doesn’t have to look perfect. And the best part is it disappears in 24 hours.

If you have this fear of videos like me, IG stories are the best place to start.

You can start with just one day a week.

Then work it up to 2 days a week, then 3 days… 4 days…

Maybe then you feel more comfortable and start doing a longer video format like IGTV or youtube.

Then maybe you can slowly work up to doing interviews, workshops, and eventually, maybe one day you can even start a podcast like I’m doing.

4 - Give Yourself Grace

Once you have started, you’re gonna cringe A LOT. You’re gonna feel embarrassed. I still do.

But you have to give yourself grace.

I started implementing this rule for myself and it makes me feel a lot better showing up online.

I make sure my content is high quality for you, but how I look like, how I sound like on video, I let it go a little bit.

I put up a photo of me in messy hair on my IG post.

I show up on IG story without makeup on.

As long as I know my content is useful for you, as long as I know I’m helping you.

As long as I’m getting DMs from you saying how relatable my content is.

It doesn’t matter if I sound like a little girl anymore. It doesn’t matter if I didn’t brush my hair this morning.

What matters is your mission to helping people.

So remember to give yourself grace.

Self Acceptance

I chose to do this topic as my first episode for 2 reasons.

One is I just need to get it out of my chest.

I have been holding onto this feeling for as long as I can remember. From literally when I was a kid.

I’ve been scared of talking because of my voice.

Selfishly I know that if I can openly talk about it here, it will lead to more understanding and acceptance for myself.

I’m using this as a process of my own self-love.

Be Honest with Yourself

The second reason is I know you too have that one thing that’s making you doubt yourself.

Yours might be different than mine.

By sharing my story and my struggle, I want you to feel more comfortable being open and honest to talk about it.

If you asked me just a year ago if I would have a podcast of my own, I would say “absolutely no!” But I’m here recording my first podcast episode.

In less than a year, I’ve been on podcasts and video interviews, featured on articles, led live workshops with hundreds of participants, and hosted facebook live in the Women Architects Collective.

All because I finally chose to understand and accept myself.

Honestly, it will never go away.

I still don’t like my voice. I still cringe every time I hear my voice in a video.

We are all dealing with our own thing, but it’s our choice what to do with it.

So there you have it. I hope that by sharing my personal story you’ll feel inspired to be honest with yourself, take action and try to understand that one thing that’s stopping you from showing up.

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